Mallard Ducks in our Neighbor’s Back Yard

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Thu, Apr 18, 2013 at 3:58 PM
From: Myra Xxxxxxxx <myra.x.xxxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Priscilla Xxxxxx <xxx@dearborntower.net>, Kristin Xxxxxx <krisxxxxxx@gmail.com>, Sari Xxxxxxxx <sarixxxxxxxx@yahoo.com>, Pam Xxxxxxxx <xxxxx3@hotmail.com>, Heather Xxxxxxxxx <hlxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com>, Sarah Xxxxxxxx <sarahxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com>, Sarah Xxxx <xx@buildinghealthyconnections.org>, Adam Xxxxxxx <adamxxxxxxx@gmail.com>, Katie Xxxxx <xxxxxxx11@gmail.com>, Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>, Betty Xxxxxx <xxxxxxbj1@comcast.net>, Betty and Gary Xxxxx <bettyxxxxx2@gmail.com>, Jim Xxxxx <xxxxxjw@att.net>, Bill Xxxxxxx <william.xxxxxxx@googlemail.com>, Adam Shafer <adamshafer@gmail.com>

YIKES! We do NOT live in the country.

Of course six inches of rain changes the neighborhood!!

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Thu, Apr 18, 2013 at 4:01 PM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Myra Xxxxxxxx <myra.x.xxxxxxxx@gmail.com>
Cc: Priscilla Xxxxxx <xxx@dearborntower.net>, Kristin Xxxxxx <krisxxxxxx@gmail.com>, Sari Xxxxxxxx <sarixxxxxxxx@yahoo.com>, Pam Xxxxxxxx <xxxxx3@hotmail.com>, Heather Xxxxxxxxx <hlxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com>, Sarah Xxxxxxxx <sarahxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com>, Sarah Xxxx <xx@buildinghealthyconnections.org>, Adam Xxxxxxx <adamxxxxxxx@gmail.com>, Katie Xxxxx <xxxxxxx11@gmail.com>, Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>, Betty Xxxxxx <xxxxxxbj1@comcast.net>, Betty and Gary Xxxxx <bettyxxxxx2@gmail.com>, Jim Xxxxx <xxxxxjw@att.net>, Bill Xxxxxxx <william.xxxxxxx@googlemail.com>

Sweet ducks, homegirl.

Adam

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Thu, Apr 18, 2013 at 4:03 PM
From: Myra Xxxxxxxx <myra.x.xxxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

Disgusting, but I’d wondered about mice, too.

D–n!

Myra

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Thu, Apr 18, 2013 at 4:04 PM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Myra Xxxxxxxx <myra.x.xxxxxxxx@gmail.com>

I’d rather have a polar bear running around in my back yard!

Adam

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Thu, Apr 18, 2013 at 4:55 PM
From: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

Ok… There must be a story behind you calling Myra “homegirl” and I think I need to hear it.

Sent from my iPhone

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 7:50 AM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>

Well, it all starts out in East LA. You see, Myra and I were in grade school together there. There was this other friend of ours, Hugo, who had turned against us after a spat in the lunchroom. Myra and I had decided one day we had enough while playing a game of basketball outside of the school. Suddenly, Hugo and a few of his cronies who were up to no good, came to the basketball court and started causing trouble. A brawl ensued, and as you can imagine, our parents were terrified. The next day, both sets of parents sat us down and informed us that we would be moving in together with our aunt and uncle in West LA, in a very well-to-do residential area.

To be continued…

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 9:44 AM
From: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

So, your mom got scared?

Sent from my iPhone

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 9:46 AM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>
Yes, she most certainly did. So moving day came, and Myra and I were all packed up, waiting for our transportation. I let out a very loud whistle as a taxi drove by. It had a very peculiar license plate reading “FRESH” and also had some of those fuzzy dice that were popular years ago hanging from the rear view mirror. I thought this was all very strange, but did not pause. I told the driver to take me to that part of West LA where my mother instructed me to go.

And the plot thickens…

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 9:52 AM
From: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

You’re a nut. The best kind.

Sent from my iPhone

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 9:54 AM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>

Time passed. At around 7:30pm we arrived at our destination. As I exited the cab, I took one last glance back at the driver and wished him a snarky farewell. I looked on to the house that I had just arrived at. I then looked to Myra and exclaimed my excitement for the lives we would now lead as the prince and princess of Bel Air.

The end.

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 10:51 AM
From: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

Why snarky? Was the driver of the cab especially odiferous or something? Boy… Your life really got flipped; turned up-side down!

Sent from my iPhone

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 10:56 AM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>

It sure did, my friend. Luckily after I moved out of that house with my well-to-do aunt and uncle, I started a successful music and movie career that made me the man I am today. Have you met my wife, Jada?

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 11:05 AM
From: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

How does Natalie feel about all of this?

Also, I’m having fun picturing Myra in a side-turned baseball cap and all decked out in bling.

Sent from my iPhone

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 11:17 AM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>

Oh, you didn’t know? Myra has always been very gangster. It is in her blood; at the core of her being. She was meant for the streets.

Natalie feels that my life story is a very complicated one, but she supports me in all my endeavors. I recently discussed with her the possibility that I may be pursuing my dream of becoming a diamond miner in Africa. While she originally questioned my intent, we are scheduled to make the move across the ocean in the fall of 2017. You don’t happen to know where I can buy some second-hand mining equipment, do you?

Also, have you heard of this website, The Google? Apparently you just type things into it, and it returns relevant answers to your questions. It’s like magic.

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 11:22 AM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>

Do you think this is a good deal on a gyradisc crusher? They sent me a quote of $68k. I’ll need to be sure to have my equipment in order if I expect to be up and running in my diamond mine by the start of 2018.

http://www.dangelointernational.com/dangelo_catalog/index.php?target=products&product_id=4011

Let me know. I value your opinion.

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 12:09 PM
From: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

They’ve always got mining equipment on Craig’s list. I hope you choose to do your diamond mining ethically.

Flooding puts you in A MOOD, doesn’t it…

Sent from my iPhone

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 12:12 PM
From: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

Oh no!!! It’s been sold already! You missed out on quite the deal. So sorry. Maybe this is a sign from the universe that you need to change your plans? Have you ever considered building & populating a bio-dome on the moon? I think you’d be good at that.

Sent from my iPhone

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 12:12 PM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>

I knew I could count on you on advice on where to buy second hand African diamond mining equipment. You sure know how to help a brother out. I will scour each and every city’s Craigslist postings and will find the greatest gyradisc crusher that money can buy. Also, I have quickly evaluated your concerns about the ethnicity of my mining operation. I am going to go ahead and say right now that this will be a mining operation of the caucasian variety, although we will surely not discriminate.

Thanks again, old pal.

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 12:16 PM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>

Back in the mid-1990s I had drawn up a very elaborate plan to build and populate a bio-dome on the moon, but due to unseen financial constraints, I was not able to complete my ideas. I have since put all my time and money into planning for the diamond mining operation. When I first heard UB40s smash hit “Bling Bling” I knew I had to change my plans:

Bling,bling…yeah..aweh mi simting,
Bling,bling…emerald cut ring
Bling,bling…yeah..aweh mi simting,
Bling,bling chapparit and ting

Beautiful, no?

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 12:37 PM
From: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

I said ETHICAL mining… not ETHNICAL mining. Im sure you’ve read about “blood diamonds”. Dont do that.

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 12:38 PM
From: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

I can see how those lyrics inspired you. Kinda makes me want my own diamond mine. Or maybe I can just visit yours. Maybe you can diversify the operation… “Adam’s Diamond Mine & B&B”?

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 12:56 PM
From: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

Because I know you’ll want to be aware of the isssssssues….

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_diamond
http://www.amnestyusa.org/our-work/issues/business-and-human-rights/oil-gas-and-mining-industries/conflict-diamonds
http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/blood-diamonds/

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 2:24 PM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>

I don’t think these links are real. This sort of stuff doesn’t happen. I’m going to mine only rainbow diamonds, not blood diamonds.

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 2:26 PM
From: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

You’ll be a rainbow diamond PIONEER.

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 2:54 PM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>

I think you just named my diamond mine company: Rainbow Diamond Pioneers, LLC.

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 3:12 PM
From: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

I am SOOOOOO useful.

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 3:23 PM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>

Useful is probably your middle name. SVPS Useful Assist.

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 3:26 PM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>

By the way, you’ve probably figured this out by now, but I’m not the Adam Shafer you’re looking for. Good conversation, though.

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 3:53 PM
From: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

Oh. Em. Gee.

I have absolutely FAILED at using the force. I am dead from embarassment. And, I can’t wait to show my CO-WORKER, Adam Shafer, this convo. Who knows? He may want to invest in Rainbow Diamond Pioneers!

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 3:57 PM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>

I get a lot of emails for this other Adam Shafer. So many that I am actually friends with him on LinkedIn. I typically just forward emails on to him. But, there’s yet ANOTHER Adam Shafer that I get emails for also… his father is some sort of motivational speaker (unless this is the same Illinois-based Adam Shafer). Apparently I have a very popular name.

Sometimes I just send the emails along, but this one was way too entertaining to not jump in on. I got another one from some guy the other day planning his mom’s birthday party. After a few responses, I let him know that I’d be bringing the Jaeger Bombs for his mom’s party. Good times.

Have fun up there… tell the “real” Adam Shafer I said hello.

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 4:10 PM
From: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
Adam was standing over my shoulder reading as I received your most recent message. He told me about the plans for the Adam Shafer Society. Will you be able to run it from Africa?
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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 4:17 PM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>

Only if I have enough money left over after purchasing that gyradisc crusher.

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 4:51 PM
From: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

Like I said, you may need to look for investors. Try Craig’s list!

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 5:01 PM
From: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

I think you really should know how much amusement you’ve caused in our office today. Because your original reply was to “all”, several of our clinicians now think Dr Adam Shafer (the somewhat new guy at our clinic) responded to Dr Myra Xxxxxxxx (his boss, our FOUNDER) with “Sweet ducks, Homegirl!”

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 5:15 PM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>

HAHAHA… My wife got a kick out of our conversation as well. I shared it with my coworkers and she did with hers too. She said that she had a few of her coworkers in tears the we’re laughing so hard.

Good times all around.

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 5:34 PM
From: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

All you other Adam Shafers are just imitating, so won’t the real Adam Shafer please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 9:07 PM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>

I feel like I really accomplished something today with these emails. Friday – 0. Adam – 1.

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Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 9:55 PM
From: Kelly Xxxxxx <svpsxxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

Oh, PLEASE! Try UNIVERSE-0, Adam-1!! You win all of the internets for today, Sir!!

Sent from my iPhone

One Thought on “Mallard Ducks in our Neighbor’s Back Yard

  1. This is so epic, it’s hard to even describe in words. I love you.

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