I must tell you this

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Tue, Jan 28, 2014 at 10:26 PM
From: Ross SXXXXX <ross@rosssXXXXX.com>
To: “LeahsXXXXX1@mac.com sXXXXX” <leahsXXXXX1@mac.com>, cdale DXXXX <cXXXX@lcer.org>, Lee DXXX <ldXXXXXXX@aol.com>, “adamshafer@gmail.com” <adamshafer@gmail.com>, RyanASXXXXX SXXXXX <ryanasXXXXX@gmail.com>

My brother Scott just told me that (during Leah’s AFC anthem) MY MOTHER got so caught up in her song that she unconsciously STOOD UP in her living room with her hand over her heart.
After the song was over, she was crying, and suddenly realized she had stood up!
Scott thinks she did it because the TV announcer asked everybody to stand up.
How cute is that??!!!
Ross

Ross SXXXXX Consultants, Inc.
(XXX) XXX-XXXX (office Helen BXXXXX)
(XXX) XXX-XXXX (Ross’ cell)
XXXXX BXXX CXXXX Way
PXXXXX, Colorado XXXXX
www.RossSXXXXX.com
www.RelevantRXXXXX.com

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Wed, Jan 29, 2014 at 8:31 AM
From: Cheryl DXXX <cdale@lcer.org>
To: Ross SXXXXX <ross@rosssXXXXX.com>
Cc: “LeahsXXXXX1@mac.com sXXXXX” <leahsXXXXX1@mac.com>, Lee DXXX <ldXXXXXXX@aol.com>, “adamshafer@gmail.com” <adamshafer@gmail.com>, RyanASXXXXX SXXXXX <ryanasXXXXX@gmail.com>

Adorable, patriotic, moving. I’m sure she was moved by the voice. Thanks for sharing

Cheryl

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Wed, Jan 29, 2014 at 9:11 AM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Ross SXXXXX <ross@rosssXXXXX.com>
Cc: “LeahsXXXXX1@mac.com sXXXXX” <leahsXXXXX1@mac.com>, cdale DXXXX <cXXXX@lcer.org>, Lee DXXX <ldXXXXXXX@aol.com>, RyanASXXXXX SXXXXX <ryanasXXXXX@gmail.com>

Why, oh Why, Do You Send Me These Emails
written and hashtagged by Adam Shafer

The other day you sent me another email
Entitled “Leah sings to Peyton Manning”.
But I didn’t read it because
I was out, gym, laundry, and tanning.
#GTL4JESUSLIKEALLDAMNDAY

I see this message is more about her
Of whom I have never seen.
This morning on accident
I drank an entire can of kerosene.
#ISTHATGOODFORMEOHMYGODITHINKTHATSNOTGOODFORME

And apparently I flew to Denver the other day
To see the Broncos with my friends Holly and Bari.
Do you think people thought I was weird
When I showed up to the game dressed like a fairy?
#PICKEDUPBABESLIKEALLDAMNDAY

I just wanted to express my emotions
Through the magic of song and dance.
But then they threw me out of the game
Because I wasn’t wearing any pants.
#HATERSWANNABEME

Back in mid-November you sent me some photos
Of The Linebackers, your old band.
I bet back in those days
You two smoked some serious contraband.
#TOOSTONEDTOKNOWIFBANDACTUALLYRHYMESWITHCONTRABAND420

A year ago you sent me a message
about a new TV show with Cashman, Pat.
So Cosmo says you’re fat
Well I ain’t down with that.
#BECAUSESIRMIXALOT

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Wed, Jan 29, 2014 at 9:17 AM
From: Ross SXXXXX <ross@rosssXXXXX.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

I sent those notes to MY 35 yr old SON, Adam Shafer, whose email is adamshafer@gmail.com. Your email came from a different address. Are you hacking my son’s gmail account?

Ross SXXXXX Consultants, Inc.
(XXX) XXX-XXXX (office Helen BXXXXX)
(XXX) XXX-XXXX (Ross’ cell)
XXXXX BXXX CXXXX Way
PXXXXX, Colorado XXXXX
www.RossSXXXXX.com
www.RelevantRXXXXX.com

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Wed, Jan 29, 2014 at 9:48 AM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Ross SXXXXX <ross@rosssXXXXX.com>

Dear Mr. SXXXXX,

When not writing poetry and hashtagging, I do typically spend my days hacking gmail accounts. IT’S NOT LIKE I HAVE A REAL JOB OR ANYTHING! However, today this is not the case. While I can’t ever be 100% certain, I don’t think you’re my father. You see, I registered the account adamshafer@gmail.com back in 2004. Soon afterwards, I penned another poem about my email address and its settings:

The year is two thousand and four
The times they are a changing.
With protocols of IMAP and SMTP,
Accounts they are exchanging.
#LYRICALGENIUSMINDBLOWN

I have my own domain name like you
and many email accounts
I send different than I receive
Like Chocula, the Count.
#OFFTOPICBUTMMMCEREAL

Sincerely,
Adam Shafer

P.S. Do you think I should switch it up and start rapping my poetry instead of just writing it down? Jay-Z seems to be doing well for himself… you know, banging Beyonce and all.

P.P.S. #YOLO

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