Your resume

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Wed, Apr 16, 2014 at 10:30 AM
From: Charles WXXXXX <pastorwXXXXX@yahoo.com>
To: adam.shafer@gmail.com
Cc: Lee SXXXXX <lee@sXXXXXXX.com>

Adam; Lee sent me a copy of your resume. I will share it with some pastors/ churches in the area.

Call me if I can help (XXX.XXX.XXXX.)
Charles J WXXXXX
Sr Associate Pastor
Second Baptist Church
XXXXXXX, TX

PS: as I understand it, your desire is to serve in the Pastoral Ministry area; not Music. Is that correct?

Sent from my iPhone

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Thu, Apr 17, 2014 at 2:27 PM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Charles WXXXXX <pastorwXXXXX@yahoo.com>

Pastor WXXXXX,

Thank you for sharing my resume. I am really looking for a position utlizing my skills as an evangelical gangsta rap star. You know, representin’ for Jesus and all that. I recently changed my rap name to “Master Pastor” which I feel accurately represents what I’m looking to achieve in my life. I’m thinking of changing my legal name as well.

As a special treat to you, here’s the latest rhyme I’ve been working on. This one is 4 months in the making. I’ve spent countless hours crafting each and every word you see here. I feel that it really keeps on track and will get the youth of America in cahoots with the big man up above.

Yo, yo, yo, Jesus is the bomb
Throwin’ barrels down the halls like Donkey Kong
I don’t know about you
But the devil don’t have a clue
How to be cool and to do the Lord’s work
Best be good and you best not twerk
Because that ain’t cool and that ain’t right
I wear my sunglasses at night
Because my future’s so bright
And my rhymes are outta sight
Ya’ll better read the Holy Bible
If I lived in a jungle I would get all tribal
I’m as cool as Betty White
Halloween is full of frights
Everybody should go to church
Get a Ph.D. and do research
One day I’ll go to the moon
Every day I eat yogurt with a spoon
And sometimes on it I put granola
You better drink some cherry Coca-Cola
WORD.

What do you think? Tell me honestly. On a scale of 1 to 10, how dope are my rhymes?

Peace,
Adam

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Thu, Apr 17, 2014 at 2:42 PM
From: Charles WXXXXX <pastorwXXXXX@yahoo.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

Adam: you are asking a 76 ( soon to be 77) year old person about rap. I am totally uninformed on what is good and what is bad rap.

Having said that, I know God uses a variety of people and methods in getting out the wonderful story of His grace and salvation. My prayer is that the Lord places His anointing on you in whatever ministry He has for you.

I will give your resume and this email to our Youth Pastor.

Blessings on you and your family this marvelous Holy Week!!

Charles J WXXXXX

Sent from my iPhone

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Thu, Apr 17, 2014 at 3:01 PM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Charles WXXXXX <pastorwXXXXX@yahoo.com>

Yo Pastor Charlie J,

You da man. Thank you for keepin’ it real and helpin’ a brother out. Hoppy (GET IT?!?!?!) Easter to you and your family. Enjoy the attached photo.

Jiggity jiggity wiki wiki boom,
Master Pastor

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Thu, Apr 17, 2014 at 6:49 PM
From: Charles WXXXXX <pastorwXXXXX@yahoo.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

Adam; I ( finally) get it.
Honestly, I’m laughing as I realize you (MASTER PASTOR) are not the Adam Shafer I meant to contact.

Nonetheless , thank you for the smiles.
( And I truly do hope you experience the very special significance of the Cross- Resurrection!)
Charles J WXXXXX

Sent from my iPhone

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Fri, Apr 18, 2014 at 9:24 AM
From: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>
To: Charles WXXXXX <pastorwXXXXX@yahoo.com>

Pastor Charlie J,

As stated in my previous email, you sir, are THE MAN. I appreciate you not attempting to report me to the Internet Police, which has happened in the past when I sent friendly replies to those emailing the wrong Adam Shafer. Because you are a good sport, I decided that instead of sleeping last night I would pull an all-nighter and write you this little gem. This is the result of nearly 14 hours of tireless work on the part of the one, the only, MASTER PASTOR:

Pastor Charlie J, all up in the house
He’s so cool, he’s cooler than Mickey Mouse
Preachin’ the good word and keepin’ it real
He can even play you a jam on the glockenspiel
Sending out those resumes
CJW, parles vous francais?
Shoutin’ those sermons to the congregation
He’s the best in the whole United States nation

Keep it real, Charlie J.

Word up,
Master Pastor

P.S. This.

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Fri, Apr 18, 2014 at 11:16 AM
From: Charles WXXXXX <pastorwXXXXX@yahoo.com>
To: Adam Shafer <adam@adamshafer.com>

Thank you, Adam. I like your lyrics; you are evidently a creative and sharp guy.

I pray our Lord’s guidance in your life.
Charles ( Pastor Charlie J) WXXXXX

Sent from my iPhone